Friday, November 5, 2010
"You have to know that you’re a good person and a good friend.
What’s meant to be will end up good, and what is not, won’t.
Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting.
At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you gotta move on and realize that what you gave them was more than what they were willing to give you.
Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real.
Always fight until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for."
Truth.
What’s meant to be will end up good, and what is not, won’t.
Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting.
At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you gotta move on and realize that what you gave them was more than what they were willing to give you.
Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real.
Always fight until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for."
Truth.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Running on Empty
Lack of creativity makes a person very one dimensional. No one in this world is completely original, but being so influenced by the forces of conformity kills the soul.
I want to be different. When you meet me, I want to shatter all your preconceptions and show you a new color in a rainbow. I want you to think twice and leave you dumbfounded. When you make one right, I’ll take three lefts. When you give me a dollar, I’ll give you four quarters in return. I don’t want to be anyone’s “type”. Who would want to fit someone’s ideals just like I don’t want to have a “type” of my own. I want to be able to show you a side of you that you never knew. I want to be able to pluck the stars out of the sky. When you call me your soul-mate, I’ll say check-mate. But most importantly, I want to show not tell you who I am. If you don’t understand what I mean, you’re not on my level. (:
I want to be different. When you meet me, I want to shatter all your preconceptions and show you a new color in a rainbow. I want you to think twice and leave you dumbfounded. When you make one right, I’ll take three lefts. When you give me a dollar, I’ll give you four quarters in return. I don’t want to be anyone’s “type”. Who would want to fit someone’s ideals just like I don’t want to have a “type” of my own. I want to be able to show you a side of you that you never knew. I want to be able to pluck the stars out of the sky. When you call me your soul-mate, I’ll say check-mate. But most importantly, I want to show not tell you who I am. If you don’t understand what I mean, you’re not on my level. (:
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Anywhere I seem to go, I find myself thinking of you.
When I try to keep my mind occupied, I find myself missing you.
When I want my wounds to heal, I find myself hurting without you.
When I want to be close to you, I find myself far from you.
Every time I'm mad, I find myself reminiscing bout you.
Every time I want to hear your voice, I find myself incomplete without you.
When I want the words to come out, I find myself breathless towards you.
Every time I'm alone, I find myself weak without you.
Whenever I question why?, I find myself confused without you.
When I thought I could live without you, I find myself going crazy about you.
Every time I want you to find me, I find myself lost without you.
Whenever I want to be bitter, I find myself caring about you.
When I gave you my heart, I found myself without yours.
Every time I want to hold on, I find myself slipping away from you.
Every time I remind myself to be strong, I find myself so emotional about you.
When I want to keep my promises, I find myself unable to keep that one with you.
When I feel like dying, I find myself alive because of you.
When I wanted to go on with life, I found that that I had no life without you.
Every time I dream about being with you, I find myself in reality without you.
When I try to keep my mind occupied, I find myself missing you.
When I want my wounds to heal, I find myself hurting without you.
When I want to be close to you, I find myself far from you.
Every time I'm mad, I find myself reminiscing bout you.
Every time I want to hear your voice, I find myself incomplete without you.
When I want the words to come out, I find myself breathless towards you.
Every time I'm alone, I find myself weak without you.
Whenever I question why?, I find myself confused without you.
When I thought I could live without you, I find myself going crazy about you.
Every time I want you to find me, I find myself lost without you.
Whenever I want to be bitter, I find myself caring about you.
When I gave you my heart, I found myself without yours.
Every time I want to hold on, I find myself slipping away from you.
Every time I remind myself to be strong, I find myself so emotional about you.
When I want to keep my promises, I find myself unable to keep that one with you.
When I feel like dying, I find myself alive because of you.
When I wanted to go on with life, I found that that I had no life without you.
Every time I dream about being with you, I find myself in reality without you.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Excited?...hell no, I have no reason to be...
You lie dayday!
Even with all my uncertainties, I have this much to say:
I think of you more today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow...
How do you get your way into a girl's heart?
and maintain to stay in there even when apart.
The hollow days slowly start drifting,
All that surrounds me hardly seems uplifting.
Days turn into weeks,
weeks become months,
and months extend into years.
Clueless of how to absorb what is obvious,
trying to shed light where I am most dubious.
Pretending to be stoic from all that is hindering,
my ability to turn this tragedy into a storybook ending.
You lie dayday!
Even with all my uncertainties, I have this much to say:
I think of you more today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow...
How do you get your way into a girl's heart?
and maintain to stay in there even when apart.
The hollow days slowly start drifting,
All that surrounds me hardly seems uplifting.
Days turn into weeks,
weeks become months,
and months extend into years.
Clueless of how to absorb what is obvious,
trying to shed light where I am most dubious.
Pretending to be stoic from all that is hindering,
my ability to turn this tragedy into a storybook ending.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Remember When
Remember the first time we met...
Remember when you told me that you cared...
Girl I remember you took my heart from the start
We never be apart no
Cause I remember holdin' hands in the park
In the middle of the villa talkin'
Girl I remember like it was yesterday we never played no games no...
Now I don't know who you are...
Now I don't know who you are no...
Remember when you told me that you cared...
Girl I remember you took my heart from the start
We never be apart no
Cause I remember holdin' hands in the park
In the middle of the villa talkin'
Girl I remember like it was yesterday we never played no games no...
Now I don't know who you are...
Now I don't know who you are no...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
there's just no point in holding on to something that just isn't there... just keep telling myself that.
It's become difficult to find my true identity. I go where I feel like I belong. I'm doing things I never imagined myself doing. I just follow time carry me through my days. It feels like I'm still looking for that indescribable feeling that I lost. I have clearly distanced the boundary between myself and all that man must depend on. Loneliness has always been the fear of many. But this is where I feel like I generate most of my strength from. What I once established to be so sacred in my core of beliefs, has no longer become the defining element of my persona. No doubt in my mind that I've changed. What I was once years ago has gone through this inevitable process we call "Change". Changed for the better? Yes and no. I'm not sure if the sugar is as sweet as it was imagined now that I've tasted it. Hate it or love it, I'm still the person everyone could turn to. But nevertheless, I stand on my two feet. I accept all that has happened, all that has made me who I am today. I might not be the greatest at expressing all that I feel anymore. But underneath this callous shell still houses the man that would sacrifice just to feel something, anything...
It's become difficult to find my true identity. I go where I feel like I belong. I'm doing things I never imagined myself doing. I just follow time carry me through my days. It feels like I'm still looking for that indescribable feeling that I lost. I have clearly distanced the boundary between myself and all that man must depend on. Loneliness has always been the fear of many. But this is where I feel like I generate most of my strength from. What I once established to be so sacred in my core of beliefs, has no longer become the defining element of my persona. No doubt in my mind that I've changed. What I was once years ago has gone through this inevitable process we call "Change". Changed for the better? Yes and no. I'm not sure if the sugar is as sweet as it was imagined now that I've tasted it. Hate it or love it, I'm still the person everyone could turn to. But nevertheless, I stand on my two feet. I accept all that has happened, all that has made me who I am today. I might not be the greatest at expressing all that I feel anymore. But underneath this callous shell still houses the man that would sacrifice just to feel something, anything...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Random thoughts
These dreams have got to stop. I don't even know why I'm having these dreams... why is it so hard to get you out of my head. I swear I have the most weirdest dreams. And I swear it always ends up the same way. But WOW, not even in my dreams... Why does this one affect me so much in such a small way...
I'm fuckin sick of being sick of being like this
just some random thoughts....
I have came face to face with a conundrum...what to do?...
The problem with the human species is that we are imperfect in so many ways...We really can't appreciate or realize what we have until we lose it...
Not everything in life is guaranteed to be there forever...so cherish as long as you can fellas...
Why are oranges orange?
Why do girls like guys that treat them like shit?
Why is english such an unromantic language?
Why is it so hard for me to get you outa my head?
Why are girls so blind? Why do they play so dumb at times?
Why am I writing these things???
...yeah...just random thoughts...
I'm fuckin sick of being sick of being like this
just some random thoughts....
I have came face to face with a conundrum...what to do?...
The problem with the human species is that we are imperfect in so many ways...We really can't appreciate or realize what we have until we lose it...
Not everything in life is guaranteed to be there forever...so cherish as long as you can fellas...
Why are oranges orange?
Why do girls like guys that treat them like shit?
Why is english such an unromantic language?
Why is it so hard for me to get you outa my head?
Why are girls so blind? Why do they play so dumb at times?
Why am I writing these things???
...yeah...just random thoughts...
Friday, March 19, 2010
Finally...we get some decent weather. Funny how I escaped the pouring rain that hit NYC the past couple of days and left LA right when the cold front moved in. Wow it's been awhile since I've updated. I guess I just don't have much to say anymore. "Life" is just plain old life. I guess right now I'm not complaining. I guess that's good thing. I mean yeah...there's a couple of things that entered my life that I feel thankful for you know. On the flipside, there's just so many changes happening faster than one can absorb.
Honestly though, right now all I want is to enjoy my spring break. It's so depressing knowing that there's only two full days left and after that I have to go back to live my reality. Whatever. I had a great time during my west coast get away, that's all it matters. I've been wanting to get away so I can clear my head a bit. Cause here's the thing...I look at my past entries just cause I'm bored and all...and damn...I realized, I sound like some fuckin deep ass depressing bastard. But people who know me, already know that. lol. But I read some stuff and then I'm like, did I fuckin write that? Sometimes it's a good thing cause I'm like yo I'm fucking genius. hahahah jk, alright you can stop laughing now. Life seems like its gona be so repetitive once again. It's come to the point where me saying "life is so repetitive", has become repetitive. lol. I just wanna wake up to a new day, full of new news, new people, new drama, and a new reality. I wish I can just live like the way I did the past five days. I miss LA. But like I said, there are still two full days left, I'm just gonna take it slow, chill and see some people. Let the good times roll.
Honestly though, right now all I want is to enjoy my spring break. It's so depressing knowing that there's only two full days left and after that I have to go back to live my reality. Whatever. I had a great time during my west coast get away, that's all it matters. I've been wanting to get away so I can clear my head a bit. Cause here's the thing...I look at my past entries just cause I'm bored and all...and damn...I realized, I sound like some fuckin deep ass depressing bastard. But people who know me, already know that. lol. But I read some stuff and then I'm like, did I fuckin write that? Sometimes it's a good thing cause I'm like yo I'm fucking genius. hahahah jk, alright you can stop laughing now. Life seems like its gona be so repetitive once again. It's come to the point where me saying "life is so repetitive", has become repetitive. lol. I just wanna wake up to a new day, full of new news, new people, new drama, and a new reality. I wish I can just live like the way I did the past five days. I miss LA. But like I said, there are still two full days left, I'm just gonna take it slow, chill and see some people. Let the good times roll.
Monday, March 8, 2010
From the research and analysis of the work and achievements of hundreds of men of outstanding accomplishments, that there was the influence of a woman's love behind nearly every one of them.
I know feelings are complicated...
But I'll tell you someday I'm gonna find a girl that's gonna change my life...
and I want you to be just that.
I know feelings are complicated...
But I'll tell you someday I'm gonna find a girl that's gonna change my life...
and I want you to be just that.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Don't Quit
When things go wrong,
as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile,
but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,
but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
when he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst,
that You Must Not Quit.
as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile,
but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,
but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
when he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst,
that You Must Not Quit.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Let Go
I'm holdin' on to hope
I know its a foolish thought
Think that someday she might come back
Wish on it all the time
Knowin' it never may happen
But see I'm not a fool
Cause no we don't
Talk no more
You gotta new man
But, I'm gonna keep it safe
I've got the patience
That some lack...
But everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think that I
That I can let go...Don't think I can let you go
...
We all need to learn to let go...
all of us.
I know its a foolish thought
Think that someday she might come back
Wish on it all the time
Knowin' it never may happen
But see I'm not a fool
Cause no we don't
Talk no more
You gotta new man
But, I'm gonna keep it safe
I've got the patience
That some lack...
But everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think that I
That I can let go...Don't think I can let you go
...
We all need to learn to let go...
all of us.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Just another day
How am I gonna miss out on valentines day?!...like seriously I'm Romeo, just no juliet. haha ;) at least this year I got Chinese New Year for plan b! hahah I kid... well sadly I won't be apart of neither celebration since I'll be driving up to geneseo... but I'll digress. Anyway as I was saying, I'm sick and tired of people sayin all this shit like I hate valentines day and shit. People who say that are just losers. I don't have a valentine, so what I don't start bitchin and sayin fuck valentines day and shit.. quit yo bitchin, cuz its not hell for everyone else out there. You're not the only person who exists on this date. Just cause it ain't goin good for you don't mean you gotta bring it down for somebody else. I'm lonely, I have no valentine, no one gave me shit or did shit for me (ok this was true until I got some chocolate from a friend hahah surprise surprise). noone made me feel special. Am I crying like a lil bitch?...no. And everyone knows damn well i'm the depressed one too.
I'm sorry I don't know why I said all that. But yeah happy valentines day for those who like it. I'm glad you got someone special to share it with, whetha it be a lover or friend or both. Just know your very lucky to have what you have. Cherish her/him because not everyone is fortunate as you. Fellas, treat yo woman the way she's supposed to be treated, like a queen. Ladies, give yo man an easy time. Let him know that he means something special to you. And sorry it had to be valentines day for those who didn't have it work out for them. Keep your head up. It's just one day of torture if you think about it. :) after all it is a made up holiday.
I'm sorry I don't know why I said all that. But yeah happy valentines day for those who like it. I'm glad you got someone special to share it with, whetha it be a lover or friend or both. Just know your very lucky to have what you have. Cherish her/him because not everyone is fortunate as you. Fellas, treat yo woman the way she's supposed to be treated, like a queen. Ladies, give yo man an easy time. Let him know that he means something special to you. And sorry it had to be valentines day for those who didn't have it work out for them. Keep your head up. It's just one day of torture if you think about it. :) after all it is a made up holiday.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Home for the weekend
So funny story. First things first, as soon as I got home I went to the barbershop to get my haircut.
Sergio (my barber): hey man welcome back! damn you look tired.. *still looking at my face* man why you breaking out so much..., are you in love?
me: (LOL in my head.. damn he got me) *nervously looking around the packed room and sees everyone eavesdropping, sigh* uhhh noo im just really stressed...
hahah looks like pretending to be okay wont get me anywhere after all..
Sergio (my barber): hey man welcome back! damn you look tired.. *still looking at my face* man why you breaking out so much..., are you in love?
me: (LOL in my head.. damn he got me) *nervously looking around the packed room and sees everyone eavesdropping, sigh* uhhh noo im just really stressed...
hahah looks like pretending to be okay wont get me anywhere after all..
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friendship...
It's funny how such a strong word like "friend" is put together with the word "ship" to form what we call "friendship". A ship such as the titanic for example, was supposedly the biggest, strongest and indestructible ship in its time. Yet, it hit an iceberg and it sank down into the ocean, never to be seen again. Like the titanic, even the strongest of friendships can be non-existent within an instant.
So why do we put a word such as "ship" next to a word that we wish to last forever such as a "friend"?...Why do those two words go together? Think about it...
I don't know how and why I thought of all of this, but I can't help but reminisce the memories I've shared with you. I cherish them even after all that's happened to me. The present isn't the same, but I want you to know I would love to share more memories with you in the future...
And I look to a brighter day...
So why do we put a word such as "ship" next to a word that we wish to last forever such as a "friend"?...Why do those two words go together? Think about it...
I don't know how and why I thought of all of this, but I can't help but reminisce the memories I've shared with you. I cherish them even after all that's happened to me. The present isn't the same, but I want you to know I would love to share more memories with you in the future...
And I look to a brighter day...
Monday, February 8, 2010
No one else can fit the shoes...
They say that true love is so hard to find
Well I'm gonna take my time
And I, ain't gonna rush into something
To get left with nothing again
That's what I said before
Until I opened up that door
Let you in, and left my heart wide open
And now I'm just hopin'...
Well I'm gonna take my time
And I, ain't gonna rush into something
To get left with nothing again
That's what I said before
Until I opened up that door
Let you in, and left my heart wide open
And now I'm just hopin'...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
In a world built around never failing cliches, I honestly can say I don't know what I'm thinking. I can't help but wonder about "What if..." I never would've guessed that this similar predicament would show up again. But this time, I've been dealt different playing cards. I just hope that the decision I made the first time, won't come to haunt me in the long run. The stubbornness inside of me will only make me relentlessly pursue.
Haha. On a less serious note, I realized I talk too much gibberish when I'm drunk. xp
Haha. On a less serious note, I realized I talk too much gibberish when I'm drunk. xp
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Always Be Ready
"Nothing is more frustrating than to see the perfect opportunity come along and not be able to seize it. That opportunity will surely come, so get ready and be ready.
Instead of looking for opportunity, work for it. Make the effort to be the person who has what it takes to make the most of the opportunity you seek.
Don't merely wish for opportunity. For if that's all you do, you won't even recognize opportunity when it is right in front of you.
Consider what opportunity will ask of you. Then get busy and get yourself in a position to deliver exactly that. Be ready, and the opportunity you seek will come. Be ready, and when that opportunity comes, you can tap into its immense value.
Work and prepare as if the ideal opportunity is headed your way. Because when you do, it is."
Wise words indeed.
I try to do what's right, not what's easy
I've seen ups and I've seen downs
and I'm stronger for it.
Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me
Instead of looking for opportunity, work for it. Make the effort to be the person who has what it takes to make the most of the opportunity you seek.
Don't merely wish for opportunity. For if that's all you do, you won't even recognize opportunity when it is right in front of you.
Consider what opportunity will ask of you. Then get busy and get yourself in a position to deliver exactly that. Be ready, and the opportunity you seek will come. Be ready, and when that opportunity comes, you can tap into its immense value.
Work and prepare as if the ideal opportunity is headed your way. Because when you do, it is."
Wise words indeed.
I try to do what's right, not what's easy
I've seen ups and I've seen downs
and I'm stronger for it.
Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me
Appreciation
It is so important that you are grateful for everything in your life.
Many people focus on the one thing they want and then forget to be grateful for all the things they have.
Without gratitude you cannot achieve anything.
Because if you're not emanating gratitude from your being, then by default you are emanating ungratefulness.
Be proactive and appreciate your being to receive what you want.
This is what my wise friend told me today. Something everyone should take a minute and think about.
Many people focus on the one thing they want and then forget to be grateful for all the things they have.
Without gratitude you cannot achieve anything.
Because if you're not emanating gratitude from your being, then by default you are emanating ungratefulness.
Be proactive and appreciate your being to receive what you want.
This is what my wise friend told me today. Something everyone should take a minute and think about.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
How can one accomplish with ease what another has worked so dear for? Ironically, he could of probably ask me the same question couple months ago.
If nothing I have done has moved you in any kind of way, may you at least know this, that no one will ever hold you special the way that I have. That no one, not anyone will ever love you the way that I could've.
I'm sorry that you're sorry. I wish you the best of luck. Just don't take away the one thing that you could give me, your presence. I truly believe whether we lovers or friends will always be...
I cant help it but be afraid that you'll forget about me now that you're back with him...I hope you prove me wrong...No matter how much I believe that this guy is so wrong for you, I'll try and be happy for you.
I have nothing left to say but only left to feel...
and whatever else is left I'll leave it to trigga trey..
Trey Songz - Love Lost
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Nothing and no one appeals to me anymore. I know I need something in my life. but what?... ughh...I don't feel like caring anymore. I'm so lost with these contrasting thoughts. now I just get caught up in the meaningless things. but how long can I continue to live like this? I can't live like this forever like I don't have a care in the world. someday again, I'm gonna find myself and find that part of me that I wont be able to live without.
someday...
someday...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Songs of the moment:
Ryan Leslie - I Choose You pt.2
Dru Hill - Love MD
Trey Songz - One Love
I should make my move
but how?...
somehow...
I just want to get to know her.
and see for myself what makes her special.
shot down or not...
I got nothing to lose...
cause as ridiculous as it sounds
I feel like I'm lost without her anyway.
I just simply can't get her out of my head...
but there seems to be nothing simple about any of this..
I need me a drink.
Ryan Leslie - I Choose You pt.2
Dru Hill - Love MD
Trey Songz - One Love
I should make my move
but how?...
somehow...
I just want to get to know her.
and see for myself what makes her special.
shot down or not...
I got nothing to lose...
cause as ridiculous as it sounds
I feel like I'm lost without her anyway.
I just simply can't get her out of my head...
but there seems to be nothing simple about any of this..
I need me a drink.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Exhale
"When love is not madness, it is not love."
Another drunken night behind me and I'm starting to lose count of the days. I'm sleepy and exhausted like all the freaking time now. Though, hearing that you still think of me gave me a special feeling, something I really needed to get myself together. I've been in a mess lately.
It's so stupid and small...
trust me I know.
I honestly can't imagine why she would be in my head.
I questioned myself why countless times, but I never found an answer.
there's so many things I can do without
but one thing...
her...
It's strange, but I want everything to do with her. Even through all this.
and she doesn't even know it.
there's no reason why she should...
I shouldn't be doing this... and I know it.
sigh...whatever. get over it Day.
It might take you a few months, a year, or a few years to find your way back to me, but just know I've waited for someone like you my whole life.
"Can you be my B.A.B.Y.?" - Fabolous
Another drunken night behind me and I'm starting to lose count of the days. I'm sleepy and exhausted like all the freaking time now. Though, hearing that you still think of me gave me a special feeling, something I really needed to get myself together. I've been in a mess lately.
It's so stupid and small...
trust me I know.
I honestly can't imagine why she would be in my head.
I questioned myself why countless times, but I never found an answer.
there's so many things I can do without
but one thing...
her...
It's strange, but I want everything to do with her. Even through all this.
and she doesn't even know it.
there's no reason why she should...
I shouldn't be doing this... and I know it.
sigh...whatever. get over it Day.
It might take you a few months, a year, or a few years to find your way back to me, but just know I've waited for someone like you my whole life.
"Can you be my B.A.B.Y.?" - Fabolous
Monday, January 11, 2010
Dilemma
I went to a Chinese restaurant today and I opened my fortune cookie and this is what it said:
"Look to your inner being for guidance."
"A life without regrets" is yet another impossible cliche'. An envied lifestyle which undoubtedly will be achieved sometime, by even the most fortunate and unfortunate of people. Living only a small fraction of many years ahead, I cannot ignore the many regrets that I have struggled to survive. Aware of the many regrets that will enter my life, I ask myself, "Why here?, Why now?" Just because life will eternally have its ups and downs, it doesn't mean it should have to be all downhill from here. When an unpredictable spark alters what you had sought out or planned to do with your life, you then question, "Was this meant to happen?" There are only two different approaches that precedes such a question. A question which is present in even the most untimely situations. One approach is to be aware of what to do, but you cannot decide whether feelings, or outside interferences will get the best of you in the long run. Another approach is to put your true feelings before any consideration, because you feel like that's the only thing that will make things right for your heart, mind and soul. These three entities that make up a human being, heart, mind and soul, is what will only keep us truly happy. We all must have a heart which feels love, a mind that thinks of love, and a soul that is loved back. A once wise friend told me, "When it comes down to it, you can only rely on yourself." Only us as individuals, know what will make us happy. It's a preposterous attempt to try and make every single individual happy, even the ones we care about. We wont even know half the people we think we care about for the rest of our lives. But we'll always be stuck with ourselves. Now isn't it ironic to make other people happy before yourself? We might not always know what will exactly make them happy, but when a person is able to bring out feelings in you that you cannot bring out in yourself, that is something truly beautiful. It's a weird feeling at first, but a wanted one nevertheless. It's amazing how a single person can bring out these special feelings.You wonder what they're doing at the moment, wonder if they're thinking about you, wonder how things would be if you were with that person at that exact time. Life is full of opportunities, but you'll never know if you missed one of the best ones, if not the best. I learned to be thankful for every opportunity that is given to me, even when timing is a bitch. I never want to torment myself with all the "what ifs". I don't ever want to imagine what could've been, when I could just find out.
It's you and I against the world...
"Look to your inner being for guidance."
"A life without regrets" is yet another impossible cliche'. An envied lifestyle which undoubtedly will be achieved sometime, by even the most fortunate and unfortunate of people. Living only a small fraction of many years ahead, I cannot ignore the many regrets that I have struggled to survive. Aware of the many regrets that will enter my life, I ask myself, "Why here?, Why now?" Just because life will eternally have its ups and downs, it doesn't mean it should have to be all downhill from here. When an unpredictable spark alters what you had sought out or planned to do with your life, you then question, "Was this meant to happen?" There are only two different approaches that precedes such a question. A question which is present in even the most untimely situations. One approach is to be aware of what to do, but you cannot decide whether feelings, or outside interferences will get the best of you in the long run. Another approach is to put your true feelings before any consideration, because you feel like that's the only thing that will make things right for your heart, mind and soul. These three entities that make up a human being, heart, mind and soul, is what will only keep us truly happy. We all must have a heart which feels love, a mind that thinks of love, and a soul that is loved back. A once wise friend told me, "When it comes down to it, you can only rely on yourself." Only us as individuals, know what will make us happy. It's a preposterous attempt to try and make every single individual happy, even the ones we care about. We wont even know half the people we think we care about for the rest of our lives. But we'll always be stuck with ourselves. Now isn't it ironic to make other people happy before yourself? We might not always know what will exactly make them happy, but when a person is able to bring out feelings in you that you cannot bring out in yourself, that is something truly beautiful. It's a weird feeling at first, but a wanted one nevertheless. It's amazing how a single person can bring out these special feelings.You wonder what they're doing at the moment, wonder if they're thinking about you, wonder how things would be if you were with that person at that exact time. Life is full of opportunities, but you'll never know if you missed one of the best ones, if not the best. I learned to be thankful for every opportunity that is given to me, even when timing is a bitch. I never want to torment myself with all the "what ifs". I don't ever want to imagine what could've been, when I could just find out.
It's you and I against the world...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Remedy
Got so wasted the last couple of days...we should do this more often...had fun guys...
[edit]
My Definition of Love
Everything with love is two sided. It's to venture into the unknown. Surrounded by confusion. It's fearful in that it doesn't have a definite or clear cut time of vitality. Not always knowing how it started, not knowing when it'll be gone. Yet you want to hold on and not let go as long as you see possible. Love is illogical. It causes us to hear out our mind but ultimately listen to our heart. It makes us do stupid things. Love is the only thing we can't seem to control. It's not a game where you win or lose. It's something that makes us both win AND lose. We get the pretty and the ugly side of it. All the elements of love come as a whole. We can't just pick out the pieces we want. We Can feel depressed from it. And yet we can feel joy. You feel strong yet weak at the same time. You feel excited but at the same time terrified. The truth is you don't know what to feel, except you know what kind of man you want to be. It's like you've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it. True love makes us feel like we wont come across anyone quite like that person. As if that person's one of a kind. Yeah..there's plenty of fish in the sea, we all know that. But love blinds us from seeing that. If we're not trying to catch fish, what if we catch something else, like maybe a clam. And if it had the most beautiful pearl inside that for once in your life you felt like you didn't have to fish anymore. Not because you felt like you wouldn't catch anything else (of course you will), but that you just didn't care whether you did or not. You just had you're heart set out on that clam that you would dive into the water for it if you dropped it back into the ocean. Even with all the sharks, piranha, or killer whatever, you'd still dive in. Love can be different for everyone. But this is my most concise definition put into words....well at least for the time being.
why does this one affect me so much in such a small way...
God it hurts...
Sigh...
Never did my stubbornness inside of me stop trying, but for the first time I feel like I'm at a dead end. Helpless...
[edit]
My Definition of Love
Everything with love is two sided. It's to venture into the unknown. Surrounded by confusion. It's fearful in that it doesn't have a definite or clear cut time of vitality. Not always knowing how it started, not knowing when it'll be gone. Yet you want to hold on and not let go as long as you see possible. Love is illogical. It causes us to hear out our mind but ultimately listen to our heart. It makes us do stupid things. Love is the only thing we can't seem to control. It's not a game where you win or lose. It's something that makes us both win AND lose. We get the pretty and the ugly side of it. All the elements of love come as a whole. We can't just pick out the pieces we want. We Can feel depressed from it. And yet we can feel joy. You feel strong yet weak at the same time. You feel excited but at the same time terrified. The truth is you don't know what to feel, except you know what kind of man you want to be. It's like you've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it. True love makes us feel like we wont come across anyone quite like that person. As if that person's one of a kind. Yeah..there's plenty of fish in the sea, we all know that. But love blinds us from seeing that. If we're not trying to catch fish, what if we catch something else, like maybe a clam. And if it had the most beautiful pearl inside that for once in your life you felt like you didn't have to fish anymore. Not because you felt like you wouldn't catch anything else (of course you will), but that you just didn't care whether you did or not. You just had you're heart set out on that clam that you would dive into the water for it if you dropped it back into the ocean. Even with all the sharks, piranha, or killer whatever, you'd still dive in. Love can be different for everyone. But this is my most concise definition put into words....well at least for the time being.
why does this one affect me so much in such a small way...
God it hurts...
Sigh...
Never did my stubbornness inside of me stop trying, but for the first time I feel like I'm at a dead end. Helpless...
Friday, January 8, 2010
What if when...
Alcohol just don't have the same appeal to me anymore. What...? yeah that didn't make sense to me either, but truthfully, it no longer provides the temporary relief I need for my frustrations and honestly, I think it makes it worse.
Holy shit, I fucking miss you to death right now...
Excuse the vulgar language, but that's the only way it can be expressed. I am so exhausted right now.. but I don't want to fall asleep tonight, as though I know something will happen, but in reality I know once again I'm just being a fool. Do I really make something outa nothing? because that's what I've been told.
What am I suppose to do. Really. I wish I can see you.. just for a little while because I can't get you out of my head. I see you in my dreams almost every night. I fall asleep on the thoughts of you and wake up to dreams of you. Wtf am I suppose to do? I feel like I need to do something, but I don't want to screw things up. Everything needs to be perfect...I wont have it anyway else. Damn I'm going crazy as usual...but this time it's like 100x worse...here I am...listening to these gay sentimental songs, feeling like I can relate to all of them...ahhh I can't take it anymore...will someone drop a brick on my head? please. I keep asking myself questions...should I do this, should I do that, I cant do this, I cant do that...the days are numbered...People's feelings shift quickly...I can't let that happen...NO matter what...Doubts keep appearing in places where I feel most confident...What is going on? Something freakin go my way for once dammit...I can't seem to find fun in anything when you're freakin in this little empty head of mine...You are my fun...My life is a living hell...might I add...A hell with a taste of paradise...waiting to be unraveled...but it's an impossible knot...The sad part is I like it...I freakin like it...damn I need you here with me, so that way...life will make sense...I don't want you to end up just like a bad memory...not you...
Holy shit, I fucking miss you to death right now...
Excuse the vulgar language, but that's the only way it can be expressed. I am so exhausted right now.. but I don't want to fall asleep tonight, as though I know something will happen, but in reality I know once again I'm just being a fool. Do I really make something outa nothing? because that's what I've been told.
What am I suppose to do. Really. I wish I can see you.. just for a little while because I can't get you out of my head. I see you in my dreams almost every night. I fall asleep on the thoughts of you and wake up to dreams of you. Wtf am I suppose to do? I feel like I need to do something, but I don't want to screw things up. Everything needs to be perfect...I wont have it anyway else. Damn I'm going crazy as usual...but this time it's like 100x worse...here I am...listening to these gay sentimental songs, feeling like I can relate to all of them...ahhh I can't take it anymore...will someone drop a brick on my head? please. I keep asking myself questions...should I do this, should I do that, I cant do this, I cant do that...the days are numbered...People's feelings shift quickly...I can't let that happen...NO matter what...Doubts keep appearing in places where I feel most confident...What is going on? Something freakin go my way for once dammit...I can't seem to find fun in anything when you're freakin in this little empty head of mine...You are my fun...My life is a living hell...might I add...A hell with a taste of paradise...waiting to be unraveled...but it's an impossible knot...The sad part is I like it...I freakin like it...damn I need you here with me, so that way...life will make sense...I don't want you to end up just like a bad memory...not you...
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