In a world built around never failing cliches, I honestly can say I don't know what I'm thinking. I can't help but wonder about "What if..." I never would've guessed that this similar predicament would show up again. But this time, I've been dealt different playing cards. I just hope that the decision I made the first time, won't come to haunt me in the long run. The stubbornness inside of me will only make me relentlessly pursue.
Haha. On a less serious note, I realized I talk too much gibberish when I'm drunk. xp
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Always Be Ready
"Nothing is more frustrating than to see the perfect opportunity come along and not be able to seize it. That opportunity will surely come, so get ready and be ready.
Instead of looking for opportunity, work for it. Make the effort to be the person who has what it takes to make the most of the opportunity you seek.
Don't merely wish for opportunity. For if that's all you do, you won't even recognize opportunity when it is right in front of you.
Consider what opportunity will ask of you. Then get busy and get yourself in a position to deliver exactly that. Be ready, and the opportunity you seek will come. Be ready, and when that opportunity comes, you can tap into its immense value.
Work and prepare as if the ideal opportunity is headed your way. Because when you do, it is."
Wise words indeed.
I try to do what's right, not what's easy
I've seen ups and I've seen downs
and I'm stronger for it.
Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me
Instead of looking for opportunity, work for it. Make the effort to be the person who has what it takes to make the most of the opportunity you seek.
Don't merely wish for opportunity. For if that's all you do, you won't even recognize opportunity when it is right in front of you.
Consider what opportunity will ask of you. Then get busy and get yourself in a position to deliver exactly that. Be ready, and the opportunity you seek will come. Be ready, and when that opportunity comes, you can tap into its immense value.
Work and prepare as if the ideal opportunity is headed your way. Because when you do, it is."
Wise words indeed.
I try to do what's right, not what's easy
I've seen ups and I've seen downs
and I'm stronger for it.
Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me
Appreciation
It is so important that you are grateful for everything in your life.
Many people focus on the one thing they want and then forget to be grateful for all the things they have.
Without gratitude you cannot achieve anything.
Because if you're not emanating gratitude from your being, then by default you are emanating ungratefulness.
Be proactive and appreciate your being to receive what you want.
This is what my wise friend told me today. Something everyone should take a minute and think about.
Many people focus on the one thing they want and then forget to be grateful for all the things they have.
Without gratitude you cannot achieve anything.
Because if you're not emanating gratitude from your being, then by default you are emanating ungratefulness.
Be proactive and appreciate your being to receive what you want.
This is what my wise friend told me today. Something everyone should take a minute and think about.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
How can one accomplish with ease what another has worked so dear for? Ironically, he could of probably ask me the same question couple months ago.
If nothing I have done has moved you in any kind of way, may you at least know this, that no one will ever hold you special the way that I have. That no one, not anyone will ever love you the way that I could've.
I'm sorry that you're sorry. I wish you the best of luck. Just don't take away the one thing that you could give me, your presence. I truly believe whether we lovers or friends will always be...
I cant help it but be afraid that you'll forget about me now that you're back with him...I hope you prove me wrong...No matter how much I believe that this guy is so wrong for you, I'll try and be happy for you.
I have nothing left to say but only left to feel...
and whatever else is left I'll leave it to trigga trey..
Trey Songz - Love Lost
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Nothing and no one appeals to me anymore. I know I need something in my life. but what?... ughh...I don't feel like caring anymore. I'm so lost with these contrasting thoughts. now I just get caught up in the meaningless things. but how long can I continue to live like this? I can't live like this forever like I don't have a care in the world. someday again, I'm gonna find myself and find that part of me that I wont be able to live without.
someday...
someday...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Songs of the moment:
Ryan Leslie - I Choose You pt.2
Dru Hill - Love MD
Trey Songz - One Love
I should make my move
but how?...
somehow...
I just want to get to know her.
and see for myself what makes her special.
shot down or not...
I got nothing to lose...
cause as ridiculous as it sounds
I feel like I'm lost without her anyway.
I just simply can't get her out of my head...
but there seems to be nothing simple about any of this..
I need me a drink.
Ryan Leslie - I Choose You pt.2
Dru Hill - Love MD
Trey Songz - One Love
I should make my move
but how?...
somehow...
I just want to get to know her.
and see for myself what makes her special.
shot down or not...
I got nothing to lose...
cause as ridiculous as it sounds
I feel like I'm lost without her anyway.
I just simply can't get her out of my head...
but there seems to be nothing simple about any of this..
I need me a drink.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Exhale
"When love is not madness, it is not love."
Another drunken night behind me and I'm starting to lose count of the days. I'm sleepy and exhausted like all the freaking time now. Though, hearing that you still think of me gave me a special feeling, something I really needed to get myself together. I've been in a mess lately.
It's so stupid and small...
trust me I know.
I honestly can't imagine why she would be in my head.
I questioned myself why countless times, but I never found an answer.
there's so many things I can do without
but one thing...
her...
It's strange, but I want everything to do with her. Even through all this.
and she doesn't even know it.
there's no reason why she should...
I shouldn't be doing this... and I know it.
sigh...whatever. get over it Day.
It might take you a few months, a year, or a few years to find your way back to me, but just know I've waited for someone like you my whole life.
"Can you be my B.A.B.Y.?" - Fabolous
Another drunken night behind me and I'm starting to lose count of the days. I'm sleepy and exhausted like all the freaking time now. Though, hearing that you still think of me gave me a special feeling, something I really needed to get myself together. I've been in a mess lately.
It's so stupid and small...
trust me I know.
I honestly can't imagine why she would be in my head.
I questioned myself why countless times, but I never found an answer.
there's so many things I can do without
but one thing...
her...
It's strange, but I want everything to do with her. Even through all this.
and she doesn't even know it.
there's no reason why she should...
I shouldn't be doing this... and I know it.
sigh...whatever. get over it Day.
It might take you a few months, a year, or a few years to find your way back to me, but just know I've waited for someone like you my whole life.
"Can you be my B.A.B.Y.?" - Fabolous
Monday, January 11, 2010
Dilemma
I went to a Chinese restaurant today and I opened my fortune cookie and this is what it said:
"Look to your inner being for guidance."
"A life without regrets" is yet another impossible cliche'. An envied lifestyle which undoubtedly will be achieved sometime, by even the most fortunate and unfortunate of people. Living only a small fraction of many years ahead, I cannot ignore the many regrets that I have struggled to survive. Aware of the many regrets that will enter my life, I ask myself, "Why here?, Why now?" Just because life will eternally have its ups and downs, it doesn't mean it should have to be all downhill from here. When an unpredictable spark alters what you had sought out or planned to do with your life, you then question, "Was this meant to happen?" There are only two different approaches that precedes such a question. A question which is present in even the most untimely situations. One approach is to be aware of what to do, but you cannot decide whether feelings, or outside interferences will get the best of you in the long run. Another approach is to put your true feelings before any consideration, because you feel like that's the only thing that will make things right for your heart, mind and soul. These three entities that make up a human being, heart, mind and soul, is what will only keep us truly happy. We all must have a heart which feels love, a mind that thinks of love, and a soul that is loved back. A once wise friend told me, "When it comes down to it, you can only rely on yourself." Only us as individuals, know what will make us happy. It's a preposterous attempt to try and make every single individual happy, even the ones we care about. We wont even know half the people we think we care about for the rest of our lives. But we'll always be stuck with ourselves. Now isn't it ironic to make other people happy before yourself? We might not always know what will exactly make them happy, but when a person is able to bring out feelings in you that you cannot bring out in yourself, that is something truly beautiful. It's a weird feeling at first, but a wanted one nevertheless. It's amazing how a single person can bring out these special feelings.You wonder what they're doing at the moment, wonder if they're thinking about you, wonder how things would be if you were with that person at that exact time. Life is full of opportunities, but you'll never know if you missed one of the best ones, if not the best. I learned to be thankful for every opportunity that is given to me, even when timing is a bitch. I never want to torment myself with all the "what ifs". I don't ever want to imagine what could've been, when I could just find out.
It's you and I against the world...
"Look to your inner being for guidance."
"A life without regrets" is yet another impossible cliche'. An envied lifestyle which undoubtedly will be achieved sometime, by even the most fortunate and unfortunate of people. Living only a small fraction of many years ahead, I cannot ignore the many regrets that I have struggled to survive. Aware of the many regrets that will enter my life, I ask myself, "Why here?, Why now?" Just because life will eternally have its ups and downs, it doesn't mean it should have to be all downhill from here. When an unpredictable spark alters what you had sought out or planned to do with your life, you then question, "Was this meant to happen?" There are only two different approaches that precedes such a question. A question which is present in even the most untimely situations. One approach is to be aware of what to do, but you cannot decide whether feelings, or outside interferences will get the best of you in the long run. Another approach is to put your true feelings before any consideration, because you feel like that's the only thing that will make things right for your heart, mind and soul. These three entities that make up a human being, heart, mind and soul, is what will only keep us truly happy. We all must have a heart which feels love, a mind that thinks of love, and a soul that is loved back. A once wise friend told me, "When it comes down to it, you can only rely on yourself." Only us as individuals, know what will make us happy. It's a preposterous attempt to try and make every single individual happy, even the ones we care about. We wont even know half the people we think we care about for the rest of our lives. But we'll always be stuck with ourselves. Now isn't it ironic to make other people happy before yourself? We might not always know what will exactly make them happy, but when a person is able to bring out feelings in you that you cannot bring out in yourself, that is something truly beautiful. It's a weird feeling at first, but a wanted one nevertheless. It's amazing how a single person can bring out these special feelings.You wonder what they're doing at the moment, wonder if they're thinking about you, wonder how things would be if you were with that person at that exact time. Life is full of opportunities, but you'll never know if you missed one of the best ones, if not the best. I learned to be thankful for every opportunity that is given to me, even when timing is a bitch. I never want to torment myself with all the "what ifs". I don't ever want to imagine what could've been, when I could just find out.
It's you and I against the world...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Remedy
Got so wasted the last couple of days...we should do this more often...had fun guys...
[edit]
My Definition of Love
Everything with love is two sided. It's to venture into the unknown. Surrounded by confusion. It's fearful in that it doesn't have a definite or clear cut time of vitality. Not always knowing how it started, not knowing when it'll be gone. Yet you want to hold on and not let go as long as you see possible. Love is illogical. It causes us to hear out our mind but ultimately listen to our heart. It makes us do stupid things. Love is the only thing we can't seem to control. It's not a game where you win or lose. It's something that makes us both win AND lose. We get the pretty and the ugly side of it. All the elements of love come as a whole. We can't just pick out the pieces we want. We Can feel depressed from it. And yet we can feel joy. You feel strong yet weak at the same time. You feel excited but at the same time terrified. The truth is you don't know what to feel, except you know what kind of man you want to be. It's like you've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it. True love makes us feel like we wont come across anyone quite like that person. As if that person's one of a kind. Yeah..there's plenty of fish in the sea, we all know that. But love blinds us from seeing that. If we're not trying to catch fish, what if we catch something else, like maybe a clam. And if it had the most beautiful pearl inside that for once in your life you felt like you didn't have to fish anymore. Not because you felt like you wouldn't catch anything else (of course you will), but that you just didn't care whether you did or not. You just had you're heart set out on that clam that you would dive into the water for it if you dropped it back into the ocean. Even with all the sharks, piranha, or killer whatever, you'd still dive in. Love can be different for everyone. But this is my most concise definition put into words....well at least for the time being.
why does this one affect me so much in such a small way...
God it hurts...
Sigh...
Never did my stubbornness inside of me stop trying, but for the first time I feel like I'm at a dead end. Helpless...
[edit]
My Definition of Love
Everything with love is two sided. It's to venture into the unknown. Surrounded by confusion. It's fearful in that it doesn't have a definite or clear cut time of vitality. Not always knowing how it started, not knowing when it'll be gone. Yet you want to hold on and not let go as long as you see possible. Love is illogical. It causes us to hear out our mind but ultimately listen to our heart. It makes us do stupid things. Love is the only thing we can't seem to control. It's not a game where you win or lose. It's something that makes us both win AND lose. We get the pretty and the ugly side of it. All the elements of love come as a whole. We can't just pick out the pieces we want. We Can feel depressed from it. And yet we can feel joy. You feel strong yet weak at the same time. You feel excited but at the same time terrified. The truth is you don't know what to feel, except you know what kind of man you want to be. It's like you've reached the unreachable and you weren't ready for it. True love makes us feel like we wont come across anyone quite like that person. As if that person's one of a kind. Yeah..there's plenty of fish in the sea, we all know that. But love blinds us from seeing that. If we're not trying to catch fish, what if we catch something else, like maybe a clam. And if it had the most beautiful pearl inside that for once in your life you felt like you didn't have to fish anymore. Not because you felt like you wouldn't catch anything else (of course you will), but that you just didn't care whether you did or not. You just had you're heart set out on that clam that you would dive into the water for it if you dropped it back into the ocean. Even with all the sharks, piranha, or killer whatever, you'd still dive in. Love can be different for everyone. But this is my most concise definition put into words....well at least for the time being.
why does this one affect me so much in such a small way...
God it hurts...
Sigh...
Never did my stubbornness inside of me stop trying, but for the first time I feel like I'm at a dead end. Helpless...
Friday, January 8, 2010
What if when...
Alcohol just don't have the same appeal to me anymore. What...? yeah that didn't make sense to me either, but truthfully, it no longer provides the temporary relief I need for my frustrations and honestly, I think it makes it worse.
Holy shit, I fucking miss you to death right now...
Excuse the vulgar language, but that's the only way it can be expressed. I am so exhausted right now.. but I don't want to fall asleep tonight, as though I know something will happen, but in reality I know once again I'm just being a fool. Do I really make something outa nothing? because that's what I've been told.
What am I suppose to do. Really. I wish I can see you.. just for a little while because I can't get you out of my head. I see you in my dreams almost every night. I fall asleep on the thoughts of you and wake up to dreams of you. Wtf am I suppose to do? I feel like I need to do something, but I don't want to screw things up. Everything needs to be perfect...I wont have it anyway else. Damn I'm going crazy as usual...but this time it's like 100x worse...here I am...listening to these gay sentimental songs, feeling like I can relate to all of them...ahhh I can't take it anymore...will someone drop a brick on my head? please. I keep asking myself questions...should I do this, should I do that, I cant do this, I cant do that...the days are numbered...People's feelings shift quickly...I can't let that happen...NO matter what...Doubts keep appearing in places where I feel most confident...What is going on? Something freakin go my way for once dammit...I can't seem to find fun in anything when you're freakin in this little empty head of mine...You are my fun...My life is a living hell...might I add...A hell with a taste of paradise...waiting to be unraveled...but it's an impossible knot...The sad part is I like it...I freakin like it...damn I need you here with me, so that way...life will make sense...I don't want you to end up just like a bad memory...not you...
Holy shit, I fucking miss you to death right now...
Excuse the vulgar language, but that's the only way it can be expressed. I am so exhausted right now.. but I don't want to fall asleep tonight, as though I know something will happen, but in reality I know once again I'm just being a fool. Do I really make something outa nothing? because that's what I've been told.
What am I suppose to do. Really. I wish I can see you.. just for a little while because I can't get you out of my head. I see you in my dreams almost every night. I fall asleep on the thoughts of you and wake up to dreams of you. Wtf am I suppose to do? I feel like I need to do something, but I don't want to screw things up. Everything needs to be perfect...I wont have it anyway else. Damn I'm going crazy as usual...but this time it's like 100x worse...here I am...listening to these gay sentimental songs, feeling like I can relate to all of them...ahhh I can't take it anymore...will someone drop a brick on my head? please. I keep asking myself questions...should I do this, should I do that, I cant do this, I cant do that...the days are numbered...People's feelings shift quickly...I can't let that happen...NO matter what...Doubts keep appearing in places where I feel most confident...What is going on? Something freakin go my way for once dammit...I can't seem to find fun in anything when you're freakin in this little empty head of mine...You are my fun...My life is a living hell...might I add...A hell with a taste of paradise...waiting to be unraveled...but it's an impossible knot...The sad part is I like it...I freakin like it...damn I need you here with me, so that way...life will make sense...I don't want you to end up just like a bad memory...not you...
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